Hello Everyone! Parenting is the primary thought of almost every parent. How to grow their children, how to raise them in this society. Our spiritual leader, Sadhguru speaks about parenting, what parents should do and what they should not do. let us have a look at his views.
First thing, we need to understand is children only come through you, they don’t come from you. They are not your property to be conducted whichever way you feel fit. No, they are not. If you treat them as your property or your future investment –
if you treat them as such, you are committing a certain sacrilege against Creation and the Creator for which there will be a price. Simply it’ll come in the form of life or maybe it’ll come in the form of your children – the price. Yes, it’ll be very unfortunate to see that. I am saying this – a very cruel thing to say to any parent, but I am saying this because it’s a very cruel thing to parent a child.
The child doesn’t need that, but please see in so many ways, you’re doing everything possible to see that he remains dependent on you in some way or the other. You are not thinking of liberating him. So, the moment you start working, you want your children to be attached to you, isn’t it? Well,
you yourself open Bhagavat Gita and read and say ‘You should not be attached, you should not be attached’, you tell your wife ‘See don’t be attached to me But your children, you want them attached to you. So before you choose to have children, you must think about these things but if already it’s happened, now… at least now you must think about it properly, seriously. One thing is if you want to produce something little better than yourself to the world, It’s important?
If you produce a child, it must be at least one step better than you, isn’t it? If the same nonsense is going to happen once again, what’s the point? So, something better than you have to happen means the first and most fundamental thing is you are one hundred per cent straight – even if it is embarrassingly straight, you’re one hundred per cent straight is important. This is something very hard for most parents because that’s the only place where they get to boss around.
They have a committed audience in their children. – stop parenting them. What they need is some good company, not a bloody boss walking around in the house. When you were growing up, did you like it, being talked down to? Did you like it? No. So what they need is a friend, they don’t need a bloody father and mother.
That job is already done. Fathering somebody, mothering somebody means biologically delivering them – that’s been done. Now they’re trying to become a life by themselves – what they need is a friend. The only qualification you have against them or over them is you came here a few years earlier than them – that’s all you have. What else do you have, I am asking? Are you sure you are more intelligent than your child? Definitely not.
So the most important thing you need to understand, just you came here a few years earlier than them All you have done is a few years earlier you landed here – beyond that, you have no other qualification to tell them what to do and what not to do. But, the other consideration is, if you don’t tell them somebody else unqualified advice on the street will happen.
You only have to guard them against that but if you have to guard them against that, that you must have the courage to bring them up in such a way that they don’t take any advice from you either. You say “What I say, you must listen, but don’t listen to your friend. He is telling you to take a drug, don’t listen to him.” But what the friend says seems to be more of a pleasure than the nonsense that you’re talking about.
That’s a fact, isn’t it? So, it’s not going to work If you bring up your child with a such a fierce sense of his own intelligence and his own decisions, then you will see, he will seek help because he will very easily realize that his intelligence, his understanding is not good enough for everything. But if you bring him up that he has to listen to your advice, he will come up with rebelliousness. Even when good things are said, he will not do that – he will do the reverse of it.
This is something that most parents are experiencing, isn’t it? He wants to do just the reverse of it, just to feel independent because he doesn’t know what it means to be independent. Now you can start treating them as just one more person, not as my child. It is not yours, I am telling you. At most, you’ve given some genetic substance to create a body. You cannot create life. You just provided some substance with some genetic substance to make a body. Yes? That too you did not think about all these things – out of your own compulsions, you do something and they land up. Yes?
So understanding that a child is not your making, it’s a privilege they come through you enjoy the privilege, cherish the privilege, respect the privilege. Do not abuse the privilege that’s been given to you. It’s very important. Why are you brought up this or that? You are supposed to grow up as a human being, isn’t it? It is just that most people never create an atmosphere for people to grow, they’re brought up the way you want them to be, not the way they should be as life.
If you are not ramming up nonsense into their head, they have a tremendous sense of observation and observation naturally pops up a million questions.Just you have to protect them from wrong influences. Rest, leave them free.
They’re observing what you do and how you are. So, if you want to raise children, please raise yourself – don’t worry about the children just raise yourself into a wonderful human being, make yourself that, it will reflect.
TIPS TO BE A GOOD PARENT
See, parenthood is a very funny thing Nobody has ever known what is the best way to parent their children. Even if you have 12 children, you are still learning You may raise eleven properly, the twelfth one can give you problems., But we want to do your best. what is the best thing we can do?
One foremost thing , First thing is to work upon our -self a little bit. Spend sufficient time with yourself. Look at yourself carefully How you are? How you sit? How you stand? How you speak? What you do? What you I think you must look at yourself
very carefully because the children are picking up everything rapidly and they will exaggerate everything
that you are doing.
So one foremost thing is, At least make yourself in such a way that you would like to be. Somebody may not approve. You should made yourself in such a way that you like the way you are. At least that much you must do Maybe you cannot raise to somebody else standards. We know what kind of standards they set for you But at least you must become the way you like it – the way you are.
That is a must But that will only create the necessary ambiance It still doesn’t make you necessarily a good parent, but it creates the necessary ambiance But creating the necessary ambiance is a
large part of parenthood, large part.
If you create the right kind of atmosphere, of a certain sense of joy and love and care and discipline, for yourself and your home atmosphere, generally they grow up. Of course you want to provide opportunities for them. Each one of us can provide opportunities only to the extent it is available to us, Yes? You cannot provide an opportunity for which
you do not have access.
You will always do according to your limitations I am sure in that area you will do your best, but the important thing is what kind of human beings or brats you raise? For that, what kind of human being are you is an extremely
important part of raising children.
So if your wife became pregnant, time for transformation for you Because now another life is coming . So, becoming conscious of what we are doing Is
extremely important What should we teach? What we should do? I think one important thing that you should teach your children is That they learn to question everything but not with suspicion With a genuine wanting to know Questioning can become a very sick thing or a very healthy process People question because they already suspect
everything is evil.
This is a sickness But the basic purpose of a question – question is an instrument which helps you to dig a little deeper than
where you are, essentially an instrument with which you can dig a little deeper That is the purpose of a question. If you just bring this into your child”s mind, That a child can question anything including you, the way you are if you allow that, in a healthy way, not in a sick way , questioning things because you think something is wrong with everybody .
If you bring this, the child is constantly exercising his intelligence But one thing is clear His intelligence is active If you anyway put him through the
necessary physical paces to give them a healthy body and an active intelligence, and of course some level of education according to what you can afford , and you bring him up without any sense of identity, without any sense of identity if you can bring him up,
if you do not entangle his intelligence by being identified to this or that, that he is willing and open to everything if you bring him up this way, the best possible that he can make out of his life, he will do He may not become like somebody else But he will grow to his maximum potential Of course it depends on along the way
who he meets, what happens, what situations he gets into Whether he comes into a spiritual space or he goes into a war zone – where he ends up who knows
Those things you cannot control, but if you create an atmosphere of love, meditativeness, openness, If you bring up a child free of prejudice in a loving,very open atmosphere, generally, they do well, but there is no guarantee Because there are other influences in the society
You may be doing your best Tomorrow morning into whose hands your child will fall, there is no insurance or guarantee That’s a risk that you
are taking always But the only thing is – did you do your best or not? Thatis all there is to life